Emilia's Pizzeria
Speaking Proof to Flour

Updates In Brief Menu Q & A


Updates

more updates

In Brief

If you're new to Emilia's Pizzeria, please read these points, inferring the most helpful, friendly tone imaginable. They're mostly true. If you want more details and accuracy, click appropriately, or just read the entire page.


Menu

We sell whole, made-to-order pizzas and drinks. The pizzas are about 18" and come standard with tomato sauce, cheeses, and basil. We're cash-only and sales tax reimbursement will be added to all prices of taxable merchandise. Actual price may vary slightly, in order to make the after-tax total a nice round whole-dollar amount.


We do not charge a corkage fee. Nor do we provide any kind of corkage service, glasses, etc.


Some of our many faults

A convenient, but not comprehensive, summary of our faults:
  • We probably won't be able to make you a pizza soon if you show up without having ordered already.
  • We probably won't be able to let you sit at a table if you show up without having reserved one.
  • We only have 2 tables, and they're small.
  • We probably won't be able to present your pizza at its best if you show up late.
  • We definitely won't have your pizza ready when you show up 20 minutes early. You're welcome for that, actually.
  • We cannot reheat your pizza or slices of your pizza.
  • We do not have a bathroom, or a safely-located sink.
  • We only take same-day orders, starting at 4pm by phone, and 5pm in person.
  • We do not offer individual slices.
  • We do not offer delivery.
  • We do not have a printed menu for you to take.
  • We do not offer anything gluten-free. Even our drinks have a fine coating of gluten on them.
  • We cannot make you a pizza with "Everything".
  • We do not offer olives, anchovies, pineapple, or an infinite number of other conceivable toppings.
  • We cannot half-bake your pizza.
  • We do not know what you mean when you ask for a "Combo" or a "Veggie" pizza.
  • We are not even sure what you mean when you ask for "just Cheese".
  • We know that periods at the end of sentences are supposed to be put inside the quotation marks, but we think that's silly.
  • We do not offer ranch dressing.
  • We do not offer salads, pastas, or desserts.
  • We originally wrote "deserts".
  • We can't hear you when you put us on speaker phone, when you're on a screeching BART train, or when some guy is honking at some other guy who didn't make the left onto Ashby Ave. fast enough.
  • We sometimes sound like we're being sarcastic when we're not.
  • We tend to use the royal "we", even when it's kinda dumb.
  • We cannot make you read this website before showing up unannounced for lunch on a Sunday with two buses full of senior citizens.
  • We don't spend enough time thinking of ways to improve, though we do spend a lot of time thinking ABOUT ways to improve.
  • We have included too much information and too many words on our website, yet still haven't told you every single bit of information that might improve your experience with us.

Q & A

When are you open?

Normally, we make pizza 4 nights a week, 5pm until around 9pm. Don't just show up because we're probably open - check the Updates above to see which days we're open this week, and read about when to order below.

How do I order?

There are 2 ways to order: by phone and in person. Ordering in person is probably a mistake, unless you happen to be walking by while we are open. Why? Keep reading...

What time should I call to get a pizza for ____?

The short answer is 4pm. The long answer is...:

You can order pizzas for whatever times are available whenever we are taking orders. You don't need to try to time the wait. And, there is usually a wait. A pretty long one, in fact. On Wednesdays and Thursdays, typical wait times are between 1 and 2 hours. On Fridays and Saturdays, it is often double that. So, there's good reason to call as soon as possible (which is 4pm on the day you want the pizza(s)), and no reason not to (no reason we have for you, anyway).

Well, OK, there is one expection to this. We've got this theoretical closing time of 9pm. You can order at 4pm a pizza for 9pm, but not for 930pm. However, once we're booked through 9pm, we usually take orders beyond that - but only contiguously. You can't order for 9:30 until everything before 9:30 is taken, which may not happen. Also note that we are not open from 4:00 to 5:00, we just start answering the phones then.

Is it OK if we eat our pizza here?

Yes, if you reserved a table when you placed your order. Otherwise, maybe, maybe not. It depends on whether or not other people reserved the tables, and what time it is, and various other things. If you want a table, reserve one when you order, that's your best bet. Ordering for pick-up and then deciding later you want to dine-in is chancey.

A few additional things you should know about dining in: table reservations start 10 to 15 minutes before the first pizza you order is scheduled to be ready, and end 45 minutes after the last pizza, unless otherwise noted. You should arrive very close to the start time of your table reservation. Being late will degrade your experience in most cases - usually because your pizza will be ready before you are. We need to stay on schedule for the sake of our other customers. And, if it wasn't already clear, you order at the same time as you make the reservation, not after you show up. And, finally, we don't have a bathroom in the restaurant.

What kind of pizza do you recommend?

When I go to a pizzeria for the first time, I almost always get a plain / margherita pizza. Sometimes I'll go with sausage and onions. These are two of my favorites, but they're also useful as baseline pizzas to get a sense of the fundamentals of a pizzeria. On the other hand, I really like the sopressata, which isn't as widely available. If I were making myself a pizza at Emilia's, it would most likely have sopressata and either: sweet peppers or onions and calabrian chilies.

What style of pizza do you make?

I think pizza classifications should only be used loosely. That said, our pizza can loosely be classified as "New York style." More specifically, it's a lot like this.

Could you repeat that?

This is a very common question, because the acoustics of the pizzeria are bad, and there are a lot of obnoxious drivers and loud trucks nearby. Also, how sure can I be that you said your name was "Zeeba" the first time I hear it? Lucky for you, many tedious questions you may have had will have already received tedious answers from this very website before you call.

Do you know where there's an ATM around here?

Since we only take regular old American cash money, it's good to know that there are ATMs at the two gas stations across from us.

How much is it with tax?

The prices shown on our menu are rounded to the nearest cent. The actual price may vary, so that the final after-tax price will be a friendly whole-dollar amount, and we can all avoid counting out coins.

Did you know that the Board of Equalization has some pretty specific requirements about notifying customers about the inclusion or adding-on of sales tax?

Yes, I did, as a matter of fact. That's why I copied the akward phrase "sales tax reimbursement will be added to all prices of taxable merchandise" straight from their website. I don't remember seeing it on any other menus, however.

How can I get more in-your-face updates about Emilia's Pizzeria?

You can follow us on twitter, facebook, and WordPress. If you are like me, you don't want to check this or those websites on a regular basis. Lucky you: you can follow Emilia's Pizzeria via email and rss through either WordPress or (I think) facebook. There are some updates that are only done through Twitter and this website - mostly of the "next available pizza time" variety.

Are your mushrooms broasted?

Our mushroom cooking falls somewhere between braising and roasting. "Broasted", however, is a registered trademark applied to a cooking technique that combines...wait for it...pressurized cooking and deep frying. I dunno why. Check it.

Can I get a plain pizza with mushrooms?

No.

Can I get a pizza sooner than the time that you just told me was the soonest that I could get a pizza?

That's some sort of rhetorical question, right?

What kind of ______ do you use?

We use a combination of 2 or more ________s. The ratios, treatments, and specific _______s used are tweaked based on a variety of factors to achieve the best, most consistent results we can.

Who is that picture of?

It's Frank Sinatra.

Why do you have a picture of Frank Sinatra?

It's Frank Sinatra.

Is this Emilio's Pizzeria?
Is this Amelia's Pizza?

No, but that doesn't mean we don't want to show up in your search results.

Are you Emilio?

There ain't no Emilio. I wish there was an Emilio. He'd help me out, the bastard.